"A lot of the songs start with an image. I was sitting there playing the guitar and I pictured this old, dirty green car, with the window rolled down, in the hot, hot, hot Texas heat, and this beautiful woman I knew when I was a kid sitting behind the wheel, looking out at me."
"Something about Texas I'm not proud of is that our state murdered 37 people last year alone."
"Havin' fun while freedom fightin' must be one of those lunatic Texas traits we get from the water - which is known to have lithium in it - because it goes all the way back to Sam Houston, surely the most lovable, the most human, and the funniest of all the great men this country has ever produced."
"How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?"
"Sectional football games have the glory and the despair of war, and when a Texas team takes the field against a foreign state, it is an army with banners."
"As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office."
"The scary thing is when I did my set in Texas everyone was excited. The show was great. I was done and the next DJ put something on vinyl and the difference! The quality!!"
"Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented."
"Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention."
"Advancements in technology have become so commonplace that sometimes we forget to stop and think about how incredible it is that a girl on her laptop in Texas can see photos and cell phone video in real time that a young college student has posted of a rally he's at in Iran."