"I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty."
"One thing my dad always told me, was he would make sure I always had what he didn't have. He couldn't play basketball because he didn't have tennis shoes - so I had five pairs of tennis shoes."
"If I was left to my own devices, you would see about ten T-shirts in rotation with maybe a few nice pairs of jeans - but I also like to look good. I like feeling really well put together, I just don't have the aptitude and the knowledge to do that."
"Some people train for certain sports and I want to train to be able to hold a super heavy electric guitar and carry luggage around myself because I always have to have 7,000 pairs of shoes. Who cares about sports?"
"Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics."
"The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny."