"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
"I was one those kids who had books on them. Before weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, funerals and anything else where you're actually meant to not be reading, my family would frisk me and take the book away. If they didn't find it by this point in the procedure, I would be sitting over in that corner completely unnoticed just reading my book."
"Old age: I fall asleep during the funerals of my friends."
"I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high."